Monday, February 27, 2012

60 Seconds to a Better Relationship - Yes, 60 seconds!


During my life coaching sessions with clients, it has come to my attention that most people are overworked, overcommitted, and all-around overwhelmed in their relationships. Some feel neglected or resentful, while others simply feel something is missing. 

Though I may not have all the answers, however, I do learn from the best life and relationship experts to offer the right tools and guidance to help my clients achieve healthier, happier, more fulfilling relationships. Peter Fraenkel, PhD, has one piece of advice: "Don't try to schedule time together. Schedules are more work. And you don't need any more work."

Instead, Fraenkel, the director of the Center for Time, Work, and the Family at the Ackerman Institute for the Family, in New York City, tells couples to come up with a list of things they can enjoy together that can be done in less than a minute: telling a joke, one long kiss, etc. 

These 60-second pleasure points, don't all have to be face-to-face. He even suggests using the tools that make many individuals feel overextended—a BlackBerry or cell phone—for private matters. Couples are encouraged to send a quick text message or e-mail links to a funny website or a restaurant review (and a note: "Let's do takeout from here tonight?").

It's not the "big stuff" that can make a relationship healthier... it's the little things you do with conscious awareness each day to "give" to your relationship. 

So I suggest each of you initiate three (60-second) pleasure points a day. Couples report that this practice not only instills a better sense of connection throughout the week but, as Fraenkel says, "also greatly relieves each partner's concern that they could never find any time for the other." And it lowers the couple's expectations for a vacation—suddenly, they don't look at those two weeks in Bermuda as their only chance to connect, but rather as a chance to lengthen those pleasure points, stretching that 60-second kiss into something more.

Feel free to visit Relationship Advice From Penny.com from time to time and scroll away for more life and relationships insight and inspiration. You can also access it here by clicking the "Life & Relationships" link button above. :)

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