Just when you think you got a grip on how life works and you're ready to be calm and confident… you trip! Or something doesn't go your way and you find yourself “losing it” all over again. And then, you get mad at yourself for it. Please stop. Don't be so hard on yourself…
Realizing your higher Self, attaining inner peace or achieving divine confidence... in other words, "being more spiritual," does not make you or me better or right. It simply makes us more aware. That is all. Nothing more. It is what you do with that awareness that determines the amount of joy you experience in life. With deep awareness, you can make better decisions.
I've come to learn that no matter how much we find our way again, we continue to lose our way at some point, only to have to find our way again. Sometimes this "down time" lasts only a few seconds, sometimes days, months or even years. And so I've come to realize through my own life's trials and tribulations that…
Life is indeed a continued journey of inquiring, discovering and re-discovering; fighting so you can get tired of fighting and so surrender to life's higher intelligence and divine order; losing so you can experience winning all over again; getting off track so you can again experience the joy of getting back on track.
Life is indeed a journey of losing yourself so you can experience and re-experience the deep peace and inner fulfillment that comes with finding your Self again. You will see for yourself no matter how "good" you get in life, you will still lose it at times. Just know that's okay. That's how life works; a journey of repeating joy, of discovering and re-discovering your state of balance again, and again.
This is the only way your spirit can build more courage, strength and wisdom. There is no other way. So embrace the paradox of life. Embrace the light and the dark… Light can only appear when it is dark, and darkness can only exist in the absence of light. In other words, both “good” (light) and “bad” (darkness) are necessary to create a whole picture. And so it is that you, too, have to be the “good” and the “bad” in order to be whole. See the irony here?
So don't be so hard on your Self. It isn't you, it is just the way life works. Don't fight it or over analyze it. Just embrace it and it will embrace you back tenfold. This much, I know for sure.