Friday, October 2, 2009

Could your “beliefs” be affecting the kind of relationship you truly deserve?



Why are some people experiencing relationship bliss while others have resorted to “believing” that there’s no such thing? Well, this is what it all comes down to:

It’s all in the way you think and what you’ve “chosen” to adopt as your “belief” about relationships. How you were raised and the lessons and stories shared with you by people whom you thought were older and wiser, play a huge part in this.

Let me remind you: Older does not necessarily mean that they’re wiser or that they’re right. These individuals, as wonderful as they may be, could themselves have been misguided and therefore taught you things that may have done more harm to your life decisions than good.

What makes it worse is that their misguided teachings got passed down from generation to generation. And no one even stopped to question, “Where did this information really come from? Who are those people who started it? What were their true intentions? What caused them to see this as their truth? Does their truth have to be my truth?”

We all experience life differently based on many variables including upbringing, religion, cultural beliefs and past experiences. All this collectively affects the choices we make; choices that lead to either joy or pain. And as a result, we all adopt different “truths” and end up attracting others who agree with our truths – our beliefs.


We call them truths because that’s what we “know” based on our own experience. But what we may fail to understand here is that there are many truths out there, many different beliefs. Some will serve you better than others. So why not choose the beliefs that will serve you best?

It might do you good to remember this: Beliefs are nothing more than something you’ve held in your mind long enough that they’ve become “real” to you – they’ve become your “truth.”

We get used to a certain way of doing things and continue that pattern out of habit, simply because it is comfortable. In order to change your life (your relationships), you have to find a way to break the pattern. This is not easy but people do it everyday.

You can at anytime let go of your old beliefs that aren’t serving you well, in exchange for a belief that will change your life for the better. You need only decide that you want to do this, and then, just do it. This is not new news. Many people have done this already and have been able to attract great love in their lives. Why not you, too?

Most of us are on auto-pilot; we’ve been conforming to the ways of the society, thinking that that’s “the way things should be.” But, think about this: It only takes one person with inaccurate information to mislead another. That’s all it takes for a chain effect of distorted information to begin from one person to the next.

And with that, their children and those children’s children all learn and live a whole sequence of experiences that aren’t necessarily the ideal way of life. They grow up with misguided beliefs that they’re not even aware of. It’s like a fish would think that the world is all water. If they could talk, they wouldn’t even know to ask if that’s true or not. Why? Because they were born in water and water is all they know to be true. So why ask? But, if they were to ask, they would realize that there’s more, and that the world is not all water.

And so the same is said for people who are conditioned to certain beliefs. If their beliefs are making them happy and attracting the right relationships, then I would say, “Yes, hold on to those beliefs as they're serving you well. You are happy! It can’t get better than that.” But this isn’t the case, you see. Most people’s beliefs don’t make them happy; their beliefs attract the wrong relationships. And if this is the case with you, then perhaps you should question your beliefs.

Stop and ask: "Who said this is the way it should be? Who? My parents? The government? What makes them all so sure? The ads on TV and billboards?" Well, that’s a shame if you rely on ads for the truth. Print ads or stuff on TV are a way of marketing! Their intent is to sell you on what they want you to buy – make you feel like you need something even when you don’t.

Bottom line: If you want better relationships, you can certainly have it! It’s okay if your parents got divorced. Sure, you know people who fight often and still stay together. Maybe you even know couples that are in relationships for the wrong reasons. So what? Why should you let their experiences affect how you want your relationships to be? Their experiences are theirs; the choices, too – it has nothing to do with you. You have your own choices to make.

So choose: Do you want to look at all the relationships that aren’t working and believe them to be your truth, or do you want to look at all the relationships that are working, and make those your truth, instead?

Know this: It is your birthright to receive love in its purest form, regardless of who you are. But somehow for most of you, this concept got lost in translation since your birth. Maybe your parents didn’t know to tell you this. And perhaps your society at large don’t make a point to teach you this. So it is up to you to now know this. Be strong in this belief regardless of what you’ve been taught or have seen in the past.

If you don’t stand firm to a belief that makes you happy, you will continue to be influenced by all thoughts outside yourself. And thoughts outside yourself will only mislead you for they are not your own truth; they are someone else’s.


Your beliefs do not represent who you truly are. You may think they represent who you are for you have identified yourself with them for so long. But they’re not who you truly are. You see, life’s truth for you is this: Anything that is truly who you are will feel right to you – will make you feel happy, not sad or dissatisfied.

So ask yourself one simple question: “Do my beliefs about life and relationships make me happy? Do they inspire me?” If your answer isn’t yes, then it’s time to seriously question your old beliefs, perhaps even let them go. Really, perhaps it’s time to let them go.

So why have some people been able to achieve happy, healthy relationships? It’s definitely not because they’re lucky or that they’re more special than you. It has nothing to do with anything of that nature.

The only difference between you and them are your thoughts - the thoughts you’ve held in your head for so long now that they’ve become your beliefs; the beliefs that you identify with and have made part of who you are; the beliefs that are doing more harm than good.

What you need to do when adopting a new belief is choose one that makes you feel most happy and make that your truth. Don’t choose a belief that discourages you. So tune in to your feelings for they will tell you if you’re making the right choice. Plain and simple: The right choice will make you feel hopeful and excited, and the wrong choice will make you feel hopeless and unmotivated.

It is not magic when you see other happy couples or when you see others find their “soul mate” and are “in love.” It is not your imagination, nor is it theirs. It is real. But again, it is only as real as you want it to be. Your old beliefs may not allow you to accept that something this beautiful can be true for you, but your new beliefs will. So make a choice to change the way you think, today.

It never fails; even the greatest leaders in the world will attest to this: Change the way you think, and you will change your life.

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