Friday, August 21, 2009

Don’t wish it were easier – wish you were better!

I know I’ve repeated this more than twice: In order for things around you to change, the first thing that must change is you. Change has to begin with you
– not the other way around. You cannot control everything around you, but the one thing you can control is yourself. Change begins when you change the way you think, the way you perceive what is good or bad, right or wrong, and the way you act rather than react.

So if you’re wishing that life could be easier, or your relationship could be easier – just stop! Stop wishing it were easier. It would not serve you as well as if you wished you were better. Find ways to be better, and things can get easier.

When it comes to life and relationships, we all can do better if we choose to. The first step is to be humble. Without humility, it’s hard to recognize things about ourselves in which we can improve.

I recently commented on an article posted by America’s leading dating and relationship expert, Evan Marc Katz. I liked what he shared with his readers about humility and finding love. I feel it could initiate some of you to constructively look at yourself and humbly make changes that can lead you to find true love…

Would you pass up you? by Evan Marc Katz

Let’s face it: we’re hypocrites. We’re not necessarily evil, but we have a remarkable capacity to compartmentalize our thinking. It’s what allows some of us, as liberals, to look for extra tax deductions when we know the government needs more money. It’s what allows us to post scathing commentary about strangers online without considering what it would feel like to be the recipient of such commentary. Basically, hypocrisy is what allows us to get out of bed every day – as it’s easier to focus on others’ flaws than it is to focus on our own.

Nowhere is this more apparent than the dating arena. I meet single people every day who talk about their refusal to settle – without realizing that someone, in some capacity, has to settle on them.

For years, I coasted on the fact that I was kind, intelligent, funny and ambitious. Focusing solely on my good traits – and sweeping my bad traits under the rug – allowed me to dissect each and every woman who crossed my path. I could pass her up because she’s a workaholic, because she’s a few years older, because she’s got a few extra pounds, because she’s sarcastic. Yet I rarely put any time into thinking how she put up with a guy who is moody, neurotic, high-maintenance, and somewhat negative.

This realization – this tearing down of ego – was the big step that opened me up to my relationship with my wife. I started to appreciate the idea that, despite my good qualities, there was a whole lot of forgiving one had to do to be my partner. And I would intimate that if you consider what someone else is sacrificing to be with you – whether you’re asking them to concede on height, weight, age, income, health, temperament, personality, etc – you will be a lot more forgiving of others in the future.

This concept is at the core of what I cover in my coaching: humility, not arrogance – is a big key to finding love.

My comment to Evan:
Evan, if I had read this article in my early twenties I would have said, “Are you crazy?? I’m the bomb! The only thing guys would be settling for when it comes to me is that they’d be settling in line to be with me.” (Lol.)

Needless to say, I’m not in my early twenties anymore (that was a long time ago). Anyway, my point is I’ve come a long way and am thankful for all my flaws. It was in recognizing that I’m not “the bomb” that I thought I was, and humbling myself enough to learn from the pain and the mistakes, only then was I truly happy with me. I guess we all have to grow up sometime (sooner better than later).

Also, I’ve learned that humility never goes out of style. I hope I will always remain humble enough to be forgiving and work on improving myself. I believe that self-improvement is a fulfillingly endless journey. To choose not to learn, grow and improve for yourself and your relationship is like saying you don’t want to live a purposeful life – a choice in which I’ve personally chosen not to adopt.

I may not think I’m “the bomb” anymore, but I know I’m growing into a finer lady every day. Your article assured me that I’m on the right path as long as I remain humble enough to recognize how I can consistently grow and improve for myself, and my relationship…I guess I could say I’m somewhat “the bomb” for being this way! ;)

Check in for my next post to find out more facts about your body that will change the way you treat it. Stay're going to want to share this with people you love. I promise!
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